How much quality time you spend with kids? Watching TV together, or having meal together, or working on laptop and talking with them or replying whatsapp and talking with them – they are not quality time! You share kid’s time with other non-humans and humans!
Quality time means fully engrossed with children. Maximum eye contacts and minimum distractions. Deep conversations. Skills grooming. Demonstration of live-values.
According to one survey, parents in america and americanized parts of the world (under mindless globalization mimicry) spend 40% less time with children compare to 1970 and before.
Hmm..and what is that 60% time? Hopping from one event to another. One mall to another. One multiplex to another. One TV serial to another. Dad on smart phone, mom on tablet and kid on gamin station, all together. Just a feeling of being together…but living in own virtual world.
This negligence is fatal for mental development. The scars of neglect remains forever. Kids won’t share but they slowly start ignoring parents. This is when family intuition suffers most and it is well-reflected on society too.
Brain bases of social pain are similar to those of physical pain[1] . This is because, ultimately, brain reports all external interaction feedback to जीव via मन using senses. Pain is pain, whether mental or physical. Social aloofness, social exclusion, being Outclassed – they are equally painful suffering as physical injuries are.
So? Why nuclear families? Why urban alienation? Why plastic smiles? Why selfish relations? Visit trauma center nearby to realize physical pain of survivors of fatal accidents. Why force same trauma in form of socially disconnected societies?
The neural link between social and physical pain also ensures that staying socially connected is a CRITICAL need, like air, food and water. Given the fact that our brains treat social and physical pain similarly, should we as a society not treat social pain differently than we do currently? We don’t expect someone with a broken leg to “just get over it.” And yet when it comes to the pain of social loss, this is a common response. We don’t deliberately break our own leg and invite suffering. And yet, when it comes to living, we send children to daycare or baby-sitter and parents to old-age homes. Imagine pain we cause to embodied जीव(s)!
Who is best teacher to teach social bonding? None other than mother gau!
सह्रदयं सांमनस्यमविद्वेषं कृणोमि व: |
अन्यो अन्यमभि हर्यत वत्सं जात्मिवाघ्न्या ||
(हे मनुष्यों ! हम आपके लिए हृदय को प्रेमपूर्ण बनाने वाले तथा सौमनस्य बढाने वाले कर्म करते हैं.आप लोग परस्पर उसी प्रकार व्यवहार करें, जिस प्रकार गौ अपने बछड़े से स्नेह करती है.)
येन देवा न वियन्ति नो च विद्विष्ते मिथ: |
तत कृन्मो ब्रह्म वो गृहे संज्ञान पुरुषेभ्य: ||
(जिसकी शक्ति से देवगण भी विपरीत विचार वाले नहीं होते और आपस में द्वेष नहीं करते है. उस सामान विचार को सम्पादित करने वाले ज्ञान को हम आपके घर के मनुष्यों के लिए प्रयुक्त करते हैं.)
– अथर्ववेद
Go observe how mother Gau cuddles her offspring. That level of love and care your kids seek! Don’t ignore them!
Research
[1] Does Rejection Hurt? An fMRI Study of Social Exclusion
http://science.sciencemag.org/content/302/5643/290
A neuroimaging study examined the neural correlates of social exclusion and tested the hypothesis that the brain bases of social pain are similar to those of physical pain. Participants were scanned while playing a virtual ball-tossing game in which they were ultimately excluded. Paralleling results from physical pain studies, the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) was more active during exclusion than during inclusion and correlated positively with self-reported distress. Right ventral prefrontal cortex (RVPFC) was active during exclusion and correlated negatively with self-reported distress. ACC changes mediated the RVPFC-distress correlation, suggesting that RVPFC regulates the distress of social exclusion by disrupting ACC activity.
